When I first embarked on my journey towards a healthier life one year ago, almost exactly to the day, I relished the changes that I needed to make in my life, but I also resented them. I had grown accustomed to living a certain lifestyle that was simple, but it was that simple lifestyle that kept me unhealthy, unhappy and on the outside of the world.
At first, my changes were small. I started counting calories, measuring my food. Then, I switched to a clean diet, eating mostly fresh fruits and vegetables, lean proteins and whole grains. I added in protein shakes to go along with a new exercise routine, 30 minutes of strength training and 30 minutes of cardio done three days a week. But I struggled. The weight came off so slowly that I was discouraged and disheartened. At the rate I was going, it would be YEARS before I reached my goal weight. I knew that I could not afford the costs of my personalized gym experience for years; I could barely afford the six-month plan. Needless to say, my credit card was thrilled with my large investment in my health.
Looking at my future, I was scared and frustrated, unsure if I could be successful. In the middle of my doubts in my own abilities, I was also struggling with health issues that were inhibiting my success with exercise. Years of being obese had taken a toll on my knees, not to mention the stress my knees had been under from 20 years of competitive horseback riding and a car accident - I still have scar tissues in my knees from that accident more than six years ago. I was unable to do 75% of the workout offered by my gym, per my doctor's orders. If I couldn't do 75% of the workout, how on earth was I going to get in shape?
That's when I opted for the hypnosis, to change my lifestyle. Starting in June 2011 my eating habits were completely changed, and I went on a low-carb diet, eating mostly fresh meat and vegetables. My exercise habits declined, I will admit that, but I stayed 100% true to my diet and the lifestyle changes my hypnotist required in order for her program to work. I never ate anything that I didn't eat with meat. I always ate more meat than anything else in my meals. I ate certain foods regularly, even though I didn't like them. I didn't weigh myself.
Fast forward to October 2011. I was caught off-guard in a situation where I was lunch-less on a field trip with 30 third graders. My options were raid the vending machine or steal a child's sandwich and eat the meat. I won't lie, I contemplated stealing a sandwich. Instead, I headed to the vending machine and opted for a carb-snack, pretzels. No sugar, I wouldn't allow myself sugar, that's the worst thing I could do while on the hypnosis plan. I felt defeated, but I had no choice. I needed to fuel my body with something before continuing to run after children for the next three hours.
Knowing that I had broken my hypnosis, I made an appointment for a tune-up at the end of the month. Going through the rest of that month was hard, I felt like I couldn't do this on my own, and I found myself straying regularly. First it was a flavored latte, not too bad, but it was sugar. No sugar. Then it was a latte and a scone and a muffin. I'll have pizza today. Beer at the reception. Oh, cookies, haven't had those in a while. A little pasta won't hurt. Why not have some ice cream. Two weeks went by, and my old eating habits had returned. And, I stepped on the scale.
I was happy to see that I was down 56 pounds from my highest weight, but I wasn't as happy as I thought I should have been - I wanted more of a loss. I knew it was my own fault for giving in to temptation.
As much as I wanted change, I also wanted the change to end. I wanted to eat the carbs, enjoy the sugar and not worry about eating meat with everything. But I also knew that doing so would mean a lifetime of being obese. Overindulging regularly was a thing of the past. These changes, love them or hate them, had to be a regular part of my life.
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