Back on Track

It has been a few months since I've written, because I haven't done much in the past few months. After my trip to Philly in March where I completed my first 5K and indulged in carbs for the first time in 8 months, I found myself feeling better than I had in months. After a week off my strict diet, my dizzy spells were gone, my lightheaded feelings disappeared and my weakness disappeared. So, consults with my doctor and hypnotist, I stopped the diet and concentrated on exercise.

Turns out, left to my own devices, I suck at dieting. I went nuts eating everything under the sun. Thirty years of bad habits resurfaced with a vengeance. And so did several pounds that I had lost. My once loose size 18s were starting to get snug.

So, back to the hypnotist I went.

Möbius

I've always been fascinated by languages that use symbols. No, I've never studied or learned them, but they do intrigue me. The idea of an image that conveys a word, an emotion ... this form of communication clicks with me. As a visual learner, someone who needs to see something to understand it, communicating with symbols makes sense to me.

My father introduced me to symbols as meaning when I was a child. I'm not sure if that was his intention, but he is the one who began my interest in symbols. Dad used to "do the Möbius" with me and my sister when we were young. The Möbius, which many people mistakenly assume is the infinity sign, is essentially a one-sided object; a 2 dimensional sheet with only one surface that exists in a 3-dimensional world. That's breaking all the rules if you ask me.

When you create a Möbius using a strip of paper, you can trace a line across the entire strip and land back at the starting point without ever picking up your pen. If you cut a Möbius strip in half, you will have one larger Möbius. Cut it in half again, two interlocked Möbius strips appear. There is a whole mathematical theory that goes along with the Möbius. If the Möbius was free-floating, one could essentially walk on it in a never-ending loop. Once you're on it, there is no beginning and no ending.

One of my favorite artists, M.C. Escher, studied the Möbius, making several variations of it. He is well known for his  woodcuts, Möbius Strip I and Möbius Strip II. Take away the ants, and Möbius Strip II is my favorite. I love the precise grid-like design of the Möbius, and the image itself reminds me of childhood. I love things that carry emotional attachments.

Taking risks

Last night, my sister and I attended a "cabaret" at our high school. The event was to raise money for the arts program and honor our former theater teacher. I saw former classmates and was reminded of my time in school, and the missed opportunities. I was shy, afraid of doing something wrong, afraid of straying from my group of friends for fear that I'd miss something or be made fun of for doing something different. I envied those students who were in the theater and our acting troupe, but I was too shy and afraid to branch out and try something new.

I took more risks in college, but never really pushed myself to my limits. I tested my skills in studio art by dabbling in drawing and printmaking classes and experimenting in studio art classes, trying my hand at sculpture and painting. But, I never went to that next level of mastery in the artistic areas that challenged me. Instead, I stuck with the artistic areas that came easier to me, like graphic design. I signed on with the student newspaper and delved into the layout of the paper.

In the past few years, I have been dabbling in photography and really enjoying that art form. I've even been considering photography school, have been for about three years now. I have to admit, I'm contemplating a change.

Do something that scares you every day

About two weeks ago, a friend told me to do something that scares me every day. We had been talking about how I haven't taken enough risks in my life, haven't stepped out of my comfort zone often enough. I worry about the "right" thing to do, if I'll upset someone, how my actions will affect others. In the end, I often choose the safe route and avoid anything that may bring attention to me.

Her words, as simple as they were, stuck with me. I'm too comfortable with my status quo. I yearn for something bigger and better, but I don't go after it for fear of failure and rejection. Be it career, social life, dating, even hobbies ... if I can't guarantee that I'm going to do extremely well, I don't want to do it. Too risky.

Last week, I took the plunge and did something scary. I submitted an entry for a logo design contest. It was exciting and terrifying at the same time. My skills are strong in certain aspects of design, but weak in others. So, I'm working with my strengths, pushing myself in the weaker areas and trying my best.

My first design submission was for a contest to design a logo for a perfume company. My attempt, according to the contest holder, was too fun and casual. They wanted more luxury and upscale.

So, I moved on to another contest to design a logo for a frog breeding farm. I wasn't sure how to create a frog in Illustrator, so I went for a lily pad design instead. I submitted a few different lily pad designs, as well as two more abstract takes on the logo. The feedback I received from the contest holder was great; he was impressed that I went outside the box and came up with the lily pad. He even commented that he was surprised no one else had thought of it. And, one of my lily pad designs  earned 3 out of 5 stars. He wanted me to try and add a frog to the lily pad though, so I spent hours with my computer screen divided between a tutorial on drawing a frog and Illustrator. Hours later, I had a decent frog, a bit more cartoon-like than I would have preferred, but I felt good about at least creating a graphic that actually looked like a frog. In the end, I didn't make the cut into the next round of judging, but it was a great experience, and receiving positive feedback was a major help.

Since the frog and perfume logos, I have entered two other contests. I've submitted several design options to each, and am working on more designs still. Unfortunately, not all contest holders are as good as the ones from my first two, with some people not leaving any feedback. Which means, I never know why my designs were eliminated. On the other hand, I received a 4 out of 5 star rating on one of my designs this week. That's very encouraging! I'm hoping to make it to the second round in that contest.

It's scary to put my work out there and be judged. I'm not as refined and skilled as some of the designers I'm up against, but I'm perfecting my skills daily. Some day, I'll be a top contender.

Hello 10,000

After about a year of retirement, I have dusted off my trusty pedometer, replaced the dead battery (the real reason it was retired in the first place - who has time to go find a small round battery and a screw driver?) and started tracking my steps once again. Some days, I just don't get enough exercise, plain and simple. Gym days, absolutely, I'm golden on my miles and exercise quota for the day. But those non-gym days? I seriously need a kick in the butt to get moving more often and more regularly.

So, I'm tracking my steps again. Just being aware of how much (or how little) I move, makes me contemplate ways to up my number of steps. Instead of cutting across the field at school, I'll take the longer walk way. Instead of calling someone, walk to their office. Little things add up and I'm aware of how my decisions affect my activity for the day. Plus, if I'm seriously behind in the daily 10,000 steps goal come dinner time, I know to skip out for a quick walk or even just walk in place while I watch one of my shows. Every little bit helps. This will help me keep my body moving, that way even if I don't go out on one of my long walks, I move around enough.

Starting out, Friday was an awesome day, logging 15,000 steps. A bit of a departure from my normal routine, I was in NYC for the day. I was worried that I wouldn't log many steps because I would be in a car, bus or cab for approximately 12 hours that day. But, I managed to do quite a bit of walking. Instead of immediately grabbing a cab, since I had some extra time before my appointment, I walked in the direction of where I was heading. Once I made it into Brooklyn, I walked around to find the place I needed to go, and then checked out the local area, shops, places to eat, etc. The real chunk of my steps that day came after my appointment. I would say half of the 15,000 steps came from walking around Brooklyn attempting to find a cab back to Manhattan. I had to laugh when I realized that the episode of "Sex and the City" in which Samantha discovers that even cabs don't go to Brooklyn was pretty much true. 

Thanks, Brooklyn. You helped me log some major steps!

Swallowing the Brown Rice Loaf

When I stopped following my strict meat and veggies diet about a month ago, I started feeling different. My headaches and dizziness were subsiding, but my body wasn't feeling right. After chatting with a few people, I started to wonder if perhaps my body cannot handle the sugar and carbs properly. I'm still researching this, gluten intolerance being one of my focuses in particular. But, I've decided to run some preliminary tests on my own, just for fun. Don't worry, I'm going to speak with a doctor about this too.

I purchased some gluten free foods as a starting point in my tests. Last night, I was craving a turkey sandwich. We had chicken, so I went for that and made myself a sandwich using Brown Rice Loaf purchased at my local fruit market. At $6 for a small loaf, I had extremely high expectations. Was I in for a major surprise when I could barely get the stuff down. Dry and gritty, this wasn't bread- or cake-like. This was stale bread mixed with majorly dry corn bread, complete with a crumbly texture. My dog even had trouble swallowing the loaf. The fact that it's called "loaf" should have been my first clue to be suspicious.

If I am, in fact, gluten intolerant or something like that, this will be interesting to say the least. I need some suggestions on truly good gluten-free foods.

Inspiration in a cemetery

The past few weeks, I have been battling a respiratory infection which has caused me to significantly cut back on my exercise. OK, I've pretty much stopped exercising. This illness came on just a couple weeks after my doctors told me to end my low-carb diet and introduce carbs back into my meals. Coincidence? I think not, but that's another blog. Any way, this sitting around resting, blowing my nose and coughing, combined with new carbs equals slightly tighter pants. Disappointing. I was getting a bit down on myself, to be honest.

But then this morning, I joined a group of students at the school where I work on an excursion downtown. Our founder's birthday is today, and to celebrate, we visited several historical sites in town to learn some history. The students were broken into three groups, and it was my goal to rotate between the three of them to photograph each group at a different location. I walked with the first group up to the historical building, up a small hill. Save for the need to stop once inside and cough a bit, I didn't think twice about the walk to the site.

Once that talk concluded, I headed off for the furthest location of the excursion to meet a different group. Down the street I went, around a corner, up a slightly bigger hill, up some stairs around the back, find an open door, down a flight of stairs to the lower level to find the group. I was slightly winded, but once I stopped moving, my breath returned to normal. Up a set of stairs, pause for a quick talk and some photographs, up another set of stairs, pause for a quick stop and some more shots. Down the stairs and out the back door, I left the second group to join the third group at the final destination, the cemetery where our founder is buried.

As I walked up another hill, around a bend and down a path, I caught a glimpse of the group still underway, so I paused and snapped a few shots from the distance. Standing in the silence of the cemetery in the early morning, the sunshine illuminating the group standing by the gravestone listening to stories about the past, I realized that I was absolutely fine. While that is usually a good thing, it made me think back to the last time I had been at this cemetery two years ago. Just walking from the bus to the gravestone had me extremely winded, sweating and feeling utterly exhausted. Today, I walked from the car, to a destination up the street, including a hill, back down the street even further this time, up another hill, up and down staircases, more hills, and I was, for the most part, completely unfazed by the excursion. I was keeping pace with the group, wasn't overly exerting myself and I hadn't even considered the fact that a year ago, I couldn't have done what I just did.

To know that I had let myself get to the point where I couldn't do the simplest of things, a quick walk through town for example, well, that's sad and rather unfortunate. To know that I have lost out on several years of enjoying the world around me because it was too much work to get out there and move around is a rather depressing thought.

What happened this morning though reminded me that I have come so far, and that I deserve to keep going down the path of success. I need to stay focused in my personal goals, decide what is best for me and my health, and do what I need to do. No more feeling down, just look forward to what will come.